you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
