I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
