turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
