yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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