So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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