Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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