then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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