i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
