yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
