I have demons in me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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