Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
