Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
