So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
