I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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