my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
