I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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