He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
