sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
