She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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