Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
