Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
