She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
