i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
