i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
