420 ftw
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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