This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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