Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dicks are not precious.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
