I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
