the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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