Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
