I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
