There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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