While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
