You're so nebulous sometimes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
