the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
