Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
