how can u be prego again
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
