your thong is hanging out like whoa
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
