her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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