WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
