I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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