the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
