Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
