Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
