turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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