So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
