The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she pinky promised me she was 18
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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