If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
