Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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