Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I didn't notice because vodka
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
