no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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