**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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