My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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