if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
