Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
