your parents love me but you hate me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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